It's been a great week here! The work is as hard as ever, the language is still a mystery, and the food is still stuff I've never seen... but hey, what's not fun about that?? (; This week we've really tried to push our work but with no success. Nobody in our entire area has a single progressing investigator. However, we're working hard to find them. This week, we've been turned down hundreds of times, whether at the basketball court, or the street, and we even tracted down a fourteen story apartment building without a single person even letting us in. But hey, even the Savior was rejected. We'll keep trying and pushing, knowing there is somebody prepared for us here in Korea.
The topic of faith is one that's been heavy on my mind this week and I truthfully thought finding people to teach would be sooo much easier than this. This week I felt like my faith has been strong enough to find people and bring them to Christ. It seems like the harder we try, the harder it's seeming to get. Although, this week, I found I didn't quite have the faith that I thought I did.
In my life, I've made many good decisions to follow Jesus Christ. I've also made many mistakes as well. I have the faith to serve a mission in a foreign country, to trust His plan for me, and to even bear my own mortal pains of Gethsemane because I love my Savior. However, faith isn't something that comes in one piece. Although I have the faith to make decisions like that, I learned that I lack in other areas. As I fasted and prayed this week, I learned that I wasn't trusting in the Savior's will for me. I wasn't relying on Him as I should have. Truly, even as a missionary, I can honestly say I was doubting myself, and the work of my Savior because of my weaknesses. This week I learned so much of the opposite.
Faith is a something that as the Savior states, can start out the size of a mustard seed. When nourished, it begins to grow until it reaches its full potential. Even if you only have a desire to believe, it begins to grow. Maybe it's the desire to be a better person, or maybe it's the desire to serve those you love. Possibly, it could be a desire to serve a mission. Or maybe, it could be just to say "I love you" to the people around you that you've been neglecting. We all have little desires in the depths of our hearts that we want to accomplish. For each of us, that's our own personal mustard seed. May we all plant the true desires of our hearts within us, and with something as simple as a desire to even want to do it... let it grow within you. As the desires of who you want to be begin to grow, your faith will magnify. Don't be like me, and doubt yourself or your lack of ability because you can't do something. Instead, take that desire of wanting to do it, and have the true faith to follow it. If you can't have the desire to follow your own faith or belief, then I invite you as Elder Holland once said, "To lean on His."
I love this gospel. I've never known my Savior so personally in all my life. Through the tears, the smiles, the ups and downs of life as a missionary, I've learned that faith is the greatest attribute you can have. I don't have the strongest faith yet, but I have enough. Quoting the movie Charly again... "When in the toughest times, you faith won't abandon you." I know Christ lives and is the head of this church. He knows every single one of you personally and loves you more than you can ever begin to even possibly imagine. How grateful I am that He died, and sweat drops of blood for me in the Garden of Gethsemane. I testify of Jesus Christ, our Master, our Savior, and our Redeemer.
I love you all and can't thank you all enough for your love and support. I wouldn't be here without it I promise you that. From the sincerity of my heart thanks so much for everything. I love you all and can't wait to talk again next week!